Yes, the Royals do death rather well

Some reports about Prince Philip's recent stay at a hospital for a chest infection have included a biography of his life, sounding like a preliminary obituary, ready to replace the 'Prince Philip is' with 'Prince Philip was'. At the age of 86 and currently the oldest member of the royal family, media outlets are gearing up for the inevitable. Indeed, many have already prepared obituaries, not only for the royal family but for other public figures. Morbid efficiency at it's finest.

I don't wish ill on anyone. People don't like to discuss death. But when any member of the royal family dies it is a big event. The equivalent of hitting the jackpot. "The British do death rather well" is one quote I've heard over the years. Planned down to the last detail, even the royals themselves are masters of morbid efficiency. Nothing is left to chance. That is, until Diana died, and then everything was thrown into chaos.

Other than a U.S. President/ex-president, no one marks death on such a major scale like royalty. With the masses suffering from inescapable media coverage, they go outside, gather, lay floral bouquets, and sign condolence books which will be archived unread. Comparisons to Queen Victoria's widowhood will be made. Majesty magazine will have a special issue. The Republican movement will have their slingshots, BB guns and petition forms out. Horse drawn corteges rumble through the streets, and close-ups of royal grief will be analysed. Prince Philip's controversial sayings will be poured over; sadly defining a life lived in the spotlight for 60 years. It may not be what Prince Philip would have wanted, but will people settle for anything less than that for the longest serving royal consort?

Maybe this article is premature. But mark my words, it will happen.

© Marilyn Braun 2008

Prince William & Kate Middleton's Special Day

Kate Middleton and Prince William's recent trip to Klosters is probably the most discussed ski trip in the history of ski trips. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. The speculation has provided material for The Kate Middleton Report that otherwise would have been non-existent had the couple just decided to stay at home. But enough is enough.

The engagement rumours are not new. They seem to have a pattern to them. Case in point. Christmas 2007? Instead Kate got a pair of fake diamond earrings. When Kate turned 26 her birthday was the perfect opportunity for William to propose. When that didn't pan out, Valentine's Day became the key occasion. This year we had a leap year when Kate could have taken the ball into her own hands. When that didn't pan out, the Klosters trip, while not leading to a proposal itself, was seen as sure evidence of an imminent one. If it doesn't happen any time soon, well there's always Christmas 2008. And on and on it goes.

While people seem to focus on Christmas, birthdays, Valentine's Day or the couple simply standing beside each other, there are other important proposal opportunities to consider:

January 13th: Make your dream come true day. It would make all of us so happy!

February 15th: National Singles Day. Kate has no doubt marked many of these without even realizing it.

March 9th: National Panic Day. Christmas and Valentine's day have passed, might as well bite the bullet.

April 2nd: National reconciliation day. Prince William, don't drop the ball this time.

May 1st: May Day. Spring is coming, love is in the air. What a lovely opportunity!

June 1st: Flip a coin day. Heads William proposes, tails Kate kicks him to the curb.

July 14th: Pandemonium Day. You can't mark this day without a reason.

July 26th: All or nothing day. This should be self-explanatory, there's no middle ground on this day..no grey area...

August 25th: Kiss and make up day. William, you're lucky Kate is giving you another chance.

August 27th: Just because day. Why not? Other than our respect, what do you have to lose?

September 6th: Fight procrastination day. William, make a decision, take action, just do it! We'll be happy you did.

October 18th: Sweetest Day. It will be even sweeter if you propose William.

November 13th: Sadie Hawkins Day. Don't' bother running William, you can't escape.

December 31st: Make up your mind day. William, just do it!

There you have it. No need to thank me. Well, you can always invite me to the wedding...

© Marilyn Braun 2008

The Royal Report for Tuesday April 1, 2008 - What's wrong with wanting to be a princess?

Please note there will be no show on Sunday April 6th or Sunday April 13th. The Royal Report will return on Sunday April 20th with a Salute to the Diana Inquest.