london royal wedding

Is Kate Middleton A Sure Thing?

Prior to April 2007 when the couple reportedly broke up, I would have been willing to believe that it was a nobrainer that Kate, depending on global economic circumstances, would walk down the aisle at St. George's Chapel Windsor, or Westminster Abbey. Or possibly St. Paul's Cathedral should William want to tempt fate. All fodder for royal watchers. Woolworth's had prepared the prototype designs for wedding china. Robert Jobson had written a book called William's Princess which all but put the glass slipper on her foot. Only to look foolish later on. Could they have jinxed it? Let's say they did for want of a better explanation.

I like to think of myself as a realist. I'm not a betting person. I don't like taking risks. Which is why, despite running The Kate Middleton Report I still approach the situation with caution. Like a suitor whose heart has been broken one too many times. Who keeps coming back for more, obviously in need of therapy. This emotional roller coaster has taken it's toll on my ability to come up with original material. Will they breakup? Can William ever make up his mind? Can Kate make herself look consistently useful? All questions which I can only blog and podcast about for so long. However I'm still a royal romance junkie who wants the happy ending if only for the opportunity to buy more books and souvenirs.

Why can't it be like in the movies? Kate and her band of singing rodents who catch the ear and the heart of Prince William, wearing tights, cape flying in the wind, who happens to be riding by on his trusty steed (sold separately). A Prince with a focused determination to go after what he wants, while simultaneously declaring his love in song. A love that endures through 90 predictable minutes. Where the only nemesis is an evil Queen/Step-mother/dragon with control issues. The dragons who are magically slayed with a dagger the equivalent of a letter opener. The Prince who is willing to kiss a complete stranger in a catatonic stupor. I love happy endings.

There are lessons for William to be learn from Disney's Cinderella and Snow White, if only someone would send him a copy in DVD Region 2 encoded PAL format. Maybe then he might get the message to stick with the script we expect him to follow.

Maybe I'm a dreamer after all..

© Marilyn Braun 2009

Prince William's Raging Beard

You've got to hand it to Prince William. He's brilliant (well, in this instance or maybe I'm just reading too much into it). Growing a beard to throw us off the scent of dead pheasants and his relationship with Kate Middleton. Who knew a scruffy beard could be so distracting?

While we're focused on the color of the beard. What the RAF will make of this facial hair? Who will finally hand William the shaver? Liveried servant? maybe Kate might do the job herself. Or will William, with a stubborn and defiant streak running in his Spencer genes, make his own will known? Who will dare cross he who must be eventually obeyed? Would one ask the Queen to change her own hairstyle? Or suggest that Princess Anne go shopping? Probably not. Even if someone should have done so long ago

The important question to ask is, why did he grow the beard? Did he forget his shaving kit? Is he experimenting with his rapidly dwindling looks? Is it a manly right-of-passage? Is he growing hair for a potential transplant? Or did he grow it to remind himself that he can? In the absence of any real news, we have a myriad of fascinating possibilities to ponder.

But not everyone was as easily distracted. No. PETA jumped on the bandwagon and chastised Kate for 'dabbling in blood-sports'. Kate's fur hat just added fuel to the fire. The Telegraph even went so far as to write an article asking whether the beard would affect William's suitability for the throne. A poll on the British Royal Wedding blog asked the question: To Beard or Not to Beard? With 316 in favor to 159 against. Either people really like the look or the Republican movement reads the Telegraph and is looking for any excuse.

William may be reluctant to shave the beard. Kate is said to be devastated at the idea. Does he choose between the woman he loves, the monarchy, or the vagrant look? Yet another epic constitutional crisis prediction. Maybe the soothsayers might be right this time.

Kate's recent "wardrobe malfunction" can't even compete with the facial hair. Now Kate must know what Charles felt like with Diana. Instead of engagement bets, people are taking wagers on when William will shave. If William shaves his head, we may never hear about Kate again.

Someone hand Prince William a straight razor post-haste!

© Marilyn Braun 2008

The Royal Report for Sunday December 14th, 2008 - Royal Year in Review

(Note that the Royal Report is on hiatus until the New Year. Happy Holidays!)

On this special edition of The Royal Report I revisited the highs, the lows, and news droughts of 2008.

You can listen to the episode here.

News Sources for this episode

Royal News Blog

World of Royalty

Netty's Royalty Pages

Princess Eugenie of York

Publications mentioned

Hello! Number 475 September 13, 1997

Diana - The People's Princess (published by Dennis Oneshots Ltd in 1997)

The Royal Line of Succession (Pitkin Pictorals 1972)

Articles mentioned

The Telegraph - If Prince William lands on your lawn