Lunch with the Duchess

When I created this blog I vowed (to myself) that I would not make this my personal pulpit for my viewpoints. There are too many of those out there. This blog is intended to answer questions submitted and present a look at the lighter side of royalty. Now as previously mentioned, I check the www.royalty.nu website daily, if not several times a day, to keep up to date on royal news in the world. One of the articles caught my eye, the link is from Cinderella's site: http://www.gourmayocontest.com/

This contest offers the opportunity to have lunch with the Duchess of York (aka Sarah Ferguson). To be honest, I've never had a desire to meet her. In 1986 I did get up to watch her wedding, followed her royal foibles, read her autobiography, and I collected all of the books about her and Prince Andrew. Having lunch with her would be the closest I will ever come to meeting pseudo-royalty. Who am I to give up that chance? It's not like I'll run into her otherwise or I have anything better to with my time. Maybe we could develop a friendship, exchange emails, and her daughters could babysit mine. They're the right age, seem responsible enough and I'm sure they could use some pocket money.

Back to the contest, it may sound easy and straightforward but there is a caveat, you need to provide a sandwich recipe using French's light mayonaise as an ingredient. Unfortunately this contest is not open to Canadian residents, so I don't have the opportunity to meet the Duchess and have lunch with her in New York City, NY. Therefore I can't share my family recipe of back-bacon on a bun, soaked in maple syrup, with a dollop of French's mayo, then deep fried and sprinkled with crushed smarties. Hey, no one said the recipe had to be edible or healthy. She just doesn't know what she's missing.

Now if I were an American (which I'm not...not that there's nothing wrong with that), and I won (which I'm not likely to anyways), what would I say to the Duchess? Would I have to sign a release that I won't sell our conversation to the media ? Would there be a preapproved list of topics we could discuss? Or a list of things we couldn't discuss? Would our discussions be confined to her thoughts on Wedgewood or Weight Watchers? How long would our lunch be? Should I bring flowers? If there were no restrictions on our discussion I would ask the following questions:

Have you tried my recipe? If so, what did you think? If not, why not?
Do you really follow weight watchers?
What is the Queen really like?
How to you really feel about Charles and Camilla's wedding?
Do you and Andrew still live together? Is it platonic? Dou you find that difficult? Do you still have feelings for him? Will you get back together with him?
What's it really like to be royal? Are you bitter about the HRH thing?
Were you really friends with Diana? What do you think of the conspiracy theories?
Are you seeing anyone? If not, would you be interested in a friend of mine?
Is Andrew seeing anyone? would he be interested in a friend of mine?
Are you going to eat that?
I'm watching my weight, do you want to share a dessert?

Now I agree that some of these questions might not be appropriate but we would have to discuss something now wouldn't we? Fill in those awkward silences that would inevitably occur when having lunch with someone you have nothing in common with. It must be difficult being her, never knowing whether someone likes her for her or wants to social climb. I'm sure being a Duchess isn't all it's cracked up to be. The deference, having to always be "on", the money, the fame, the proximity to real royalty, must be completely overrated.

I wonder if she ever gets tired of it all. Doesn't she just want to leave it all behind? go back to annonymity? I've heard that she's a fairly relaxed, regular person so I would follow up my lunch by inviting her over for tea if she's ever in the Brampton area. She could come over, put her feet up, and chat about life. Would she like me to make her a sandwich? I guess I'll never get the chance to ask her.

© Marilyn Braun 2005