Yes, it should be a no-brainer. Camilla, stay home! Don't come out of the palace until we approve of you. When you married Prince Charles, you obviously snuck under our radar. Well, you're married now, so we can't do anything about it. The cheers when you arrived drowned out our hisses and boos. Even if 39% of people feel that you've strengthened the monarchy by marrying Charles. Notice that 37% feel that you've weakened it - so don't get too comfortable. We're recruiting the 25% 'Don't know' contingent as we speak. They'll come to their senses and agree with us, eventually.
Our negative attitude towards out should rightly become a 'string which will alarm supporters.' This should keep you from the Diana memorial, and becoming Queen, even if it doesn't impact our lives in any way whether you do or not. We can complain when you wear the family jewels; zoom in on photographs comparing it to ones Diana wore. We may not barricade the street the service will be held on, but we can participate in polls which have no real relevance to reality. Polls which still ask questions like 'When the Queen abdicates...should the throne pass to Prince Charles or Prince William?' Are we part of the 71% of people who buy into that lost cause?
Even if you do end up attending, make sure you wear a suitably morose, remorseful expression. Whatever you do, don't smile or wave at the crowds. Remember, this isn't your show. If we're lucky, the service will be televised and we can keep tabs on you during the hymns. When the phone rings with a new poll asking us how you behaved, you may just improve your results if you shed a tear or two.
If you don't attend, we'll probably hold it against you too. How can you show us penitence hiding in your palace? Clearly this is a no-win situation for you. But whatever you do, don't wait for us to make up our minds. Trust us, even if our opinions about you change like the weather. Even if the poll caught us during a particularly anti-Camilla mood. Who knows how we'll feel tomorrow. On our way to the service we'll stop at the supermarket and buy eggs to throw at you. If she knew her memory was being hijacked by our antics, Diana would be proud of us.
If you don't attend, we'll probably hold it against you too. How can you show us penitence hiding in your palace? Clearly this is a no-win situation for you. But whatever you do, don't wait for us to make up our minds. Trust us, even if our opinions about you change like the weather. Even if the poll caught us during a particularly anti-Camilla mood. Who knows how we'll feel tomorrow. On our way to the service we'll stop at the supermarket and buy eggs to throw at you. If she knew her memory was being hijacked by our antics, Diana would be proud of us.
Maybe the question shouldn't be whether you should attend, but whether this question has made us lose sight of that point.
© Marilyn Braun 2007
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