The Curious Case of Catherine's Womb

The ink was barely dry on the royal marriage register when the first speculation began on when Catherine would get pregnant. On the evening of the wedding, a reporter noticing the knowing looks the couple gave each other during the service commented:"two may soon become three".

Almost 2 weeks into the marriage and still no announcement? Tsk tsk. Obviously Catherine needs to step up her game. She may be on honeymoon, frolicking in the sand, maybe doing some snorkeling, but that doesn't mean she can't multi-task. After all, a record is at stake. Diana gave birth to Prince William a month before her first wedding anniversary. The Queen, then Princess Elizabeth, cut it close giving birth to Prince Charles 6 days before her first wedding anniversary. Slackers. Queen Victoria gave birth to her first child a bit over 9 months from the day of her wedding.

According to Andrew Morton, if Catherine doesn't get pregnant soon, she'll be defying 200 years of royal tradition. For heavens sake, it's also her duty! Just ask Royal Historian Hugo Vickers. Where oh where are the female historians to remind Prince William of his duty to provide an heir and make his spouse happy?

Forget enjoying married life or that there are 1,400 people in the line of succession behind Prince William. Not to mention that Catherine is not getting any younger. Besides, the sooner she gives birth, the sooner we can start divorce rumours.

With this ring, Catherine gave up not only her freedom but also her womb.

Don't worry Catherine, we'll take it from here.

© Marilyn Braun 2011

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Unfortunately Kate Middleton isn't pregnant

At least according to Star magazine she is. Yet people have come out of the woodwork, emphatically denying these reports. I, for one am thoroughly disappointed.

Mainly because it would have made the royal family far more interesting. Injected some much needed controversy. Forget the two or three days of Fergie-gate 2010, an illegitimate child would have enough mileage for the next nine months. We could blog about her motivations for getting pregnant, whether the baby is actually William's, fire up discussion boards discussing whether he will make an honest woman of her, how this will affect the line of succession, and all of the royals and courtiers who are 'incandescent with rage' and 'knashing their teeth'.

Illegitimate children are nothing new to the royal family. History is littered with them. However, in the last 100 years we've had advancements in birth control, and the rabid media interest as back-up protection. If they wanted to take the heat off of an engagement announcement, this would have been the perfect way to do it aside from breaking-up or converting to Catholicism.

Did I mention that I'm extremely disappointed?

I am wistful thinking of the possibilities. Yes, once everyone got over the initial shock of it all, we would follow the pregnancy minutely. How she would cope as a single-mother should William drop the ball, what she would be wearing, where she would have the baby, boy or girl, names, titles, official photos, genealogists would pour over the history of royal bastards. Not to mention all of the show topics it would inspire. An example - On the next Royal Report: Now that Kate is knocked-up, will she go for natural or c-section?

Alas, it looks like I'll have to wait until they're married to speculate on all of this. How boring is that? It just won't be the same. Royal history is littered with legitimate children. Case in point: aside from the Queen, what have any of them ever done? William and Kate's illegitimate baby could live under the spectre of it for the rest of his/her life because we'd be here to remind them, the psychological difficulties of living under the burden of it all, if William doesn't marry Kate, how he/she will feel about being robbed of their birthright....

*Sigh* 

© Marilyn Braun 2010