The Royal & The Clueless - Episode 17

On the last episode of The Royal & The Clueless, Kate took speech lessons from Enrique and broke out into song. During her lessons, engagement speculation reached fever pitch, yet William had not proposed. On this episode Kate, frustrated with a lack of engagement, decides to take a different approach.

Kate: I've tried everything, and William still hasn't proposed. I've taken up hunting, canoodled by dead pheasants, shown an interest in his polo even though I'm allergic to horses...

Enrique: Wearing the cardboard sign didn't work?

Kate: No, he's still trying to read it.

Enrique nodded, perplexed. William obviously isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer but he should be able to read. He thought for a moment rubbing the perfectly trimmed stubble on his chin. Suddenly an idea came to him. No, it couldn't work. It's too simple. Even for William. Enrique mulls it over and starts to warm to the idea.

Enrique: Have you tried wearing the color blue?

Kate: What?

Enrique: The color blue. You're attending a wedding aren't you? You should wear a blue outfit. You can accessorize it with shiny objects. That will get his attention!

Kate: That is a brilliant idea!

Enrique grabs Kate's hand and takes her shopping. 10 stores later, Kate finally comes out of the change room and models the outfit she's chosen. She twirls around in a gray blue dress pleased with herself.

Kate: What do you think?

Enrique (shaking his head): That's Wallis blue. It might remind him of the abdication.

Kate goes to try another dress on. She comes out wearing baby blue.

Enrique: No, that might be too much pressure on him. Wear that once the ring is on your finger.

Kate: Why does the dress have to be blue? Why not purple?

Enrique: Purple is the color of royalty. They might think that you're getting too ahead of yourself. Stay away from all purples.

Kate goes and changes into another dress, this time in royal blue.

Enrique, smouldering and intense, walks over to Kate. He takes her into his arms and looks deeply into her eyes, his face inches from hers. When he speaks his voice now sounds like Antonio Banderas.

Enrique: If I were William (Enrique pauses for effect). I would propose on the spot.

A few days later at the wedding. William comes up to Kate and leans in to kiss her. He stops and looks her up and down.

William: Wow, shiny objects!

Can Prince William stop staring at Kate's shiny objects? Does he have competition in the smouldering form of Enrique? Tune in to the next episode of The Royal & The Clueless.

© Marilyn Braun 2009

President Obama has a paper cut!..and other such nonsense

Sometimes royal news seems to be just that silly. Take for instance Prince William and Kate Middleton. Recent reports say that they are secretly engaged, that they have come to an understanding, that Kate is sending subtle messages by wearing the color blue to a society wedding. Don't believe me about the blue dress? Take a look here.

Forgive my skepticism but over the years I've heard so many rumours surrounding their engagement, so many signs that it's imminent, so many commentators with straight faces letting us know that This. Will. Be. The. Year.

Maybe, maybe not. But then 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008 and even this year, 2009 have been THE year too. Pull a number out of a hat, such as 2011, and if they're still together by that point, one day commentators may be right.

I'd like them to get engaged just as much as the next pro-Kate royal watcher. But I'm not going to hold my breath, I'm taking a wait and see approach. My hopes have been raised and then dashed one too many times.

Until an engagement is announced by Clarence House, speculation about their relationship is in the same league as news that President Obama has a paper cut.


© Marilyn Braun 2009

The Royal Romance Report - Sunday August 16, 2009

On this episode of The Royal Romance Report - Which royal just received a personalized perfume for her 21st birthday? Has the Queen really sparked lesbian rumours? Why do the Scandinavian royals have more fun? Is the Queen expecting a great-grandchild soon?

Find out the answer by listening to the episode here!

Publications mentioned

Hello! Canada Weekly No 139 17 August 2009

Tatler Magazine - September 2005

Tune in to the next episode of The Royal Report on Sunday August 23rd, 2009 9:00PM EST.

The topic will be: Rumours are heating up that an engagement between Prince William and Kate Middleton will be announced soon? Are WE ready for it?

© Marilyn Braun 2009