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Someday your prince may come but more than likely you'll have to find him

Keeping a prince can be a difficult job. Finding one in this day and age can be downright impossible. What with the dwindling prospects making drunken fools of themselves on a regular basis. It's tough. Kate Middleton certainly has her work cut out for her, guiding Prince William towards the altar. Here are some steps to help you out should you be interested in the same position.

1) Find a prince. Check out family trees. Go to places he hangs out - polo fields, expensive clubs, or the oldest university in Scotland. While doing so, invest in a copy of the Almanach de Gotha, it could take years to get your copy but once you do you'll see whether you're on the right track.

2) Once you've located your prince. Lure him into your lair by modelling skimpy clothes at a fashion show. Move in before he gets a glazed over look. Worked for Kate.

3) If necessary, quit your job. Forget everything your guidance counsellor told you about becoming royalty. It is possible.

4) Always look your best. Act the part. Anything less and you'll be considered a slacker. Remember that you'll be expected to set trends and look nice without spending any money whatsoever. Better get used to it now.

5) Get the media and your future subjects behind you. This is where tip#4 comes in. Your Prince will lose face in the eyes of his future subjects if he doesn't choose you.

6) Change your name. No one wants a future queen named Trixie, Peaches, or Amy Winehouse. Choose something suitably regal sounding, with an eye towards the name fitting on souvenirs. Catherine is a good choice.

7) While he may be worth millions, and could buy you your hearts desire, accept any love tokens, regardless of how cheap or tacky. He'll think that you appreciate the simple things in life. Especially those made with glue and sawdust.

8) Socialize without him. If you can make it look like you're having a good time in the pages of Hello magazine even better.

9) If you're dating a romantic and dashing prince, make sure your property has enough room to land a helicopter.

10) Be patient. This is the toughest part of all. Playing the waiting game. Some Princes aren't the sharpest knives in the drawer. It may take a while for them to make up their minds.

© Marilyn Braun 2007

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